Resolutions

You know what sucks is great about blogging your resolutions? You don't forget them. They are there on the internet just waiting for you to be foolish enough to look at them and remember what a wretched failure at life you are.

That cloud got more done than me!

So let's review Jeremy's horrid, pathetic, and ultimately doomed attempt at not sucking it up in 2012. Last year, my goals were:

1. Read three Books.

I nailed this one to the friggin wall. Not the way I intended though. I intended to read the Pirates of Venus and a few other pulp novels. Instead I read 3 books (and a few billion articles) for my graduate class. I'm going count that as a win.

2. Post a picture or video or Josiah every week.

Yeah, not even close. I did 29 Son-day posts, that's 23 short of the 52 I'd have had to do. So, I can call this one just under half-failed. I'll blame grad school for this. Maybe if I counted FB stuff I might be closer.

3. Attain a blue belt.

Hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha. No. Not even close. Between doing 'dad-stuff', backing up Mo in her grad work, dealing with a demanding semester at work, and my own grad work, my attendance to martial arts classes dwindled to basically doing the fitness classes once a week.

4. Lose 30 pounds.

See the above, it parallels closely to this one. I lost 3 pounds. I lost a bunch in the first 6 months or so, then gained it all back in the last 6.

5. Learn sign languages.

Didn't figure I would. Totally didn't.

6. Reduce Posssessions.

This one is weird. I did take several loads to Goodwill, and that was good. I also gained a few things that are hard to itemize. Honestly, this whole minimalism thing is kinda tricky. It also wasn't a firm goal. I have no idea if the things I got rid of are more than the things I gained. It was vague when I wrote it a year ago and it is unmeasurable now. So...maybe? I don't know.

It's a good thing Santa doesn't deliver gifts based on completion of resolutions.

So....
In a grand display of hope vs. futility I give you my 2013 resolutions:

1. Get through the MBA program. 

I don't wanna be taking 1 class a semester for the next two years. By this time next year I want to have one class left to be done with it. That means two 8-week-courses per semester. It's going to suck a little.

2. Continue doing Son-day blog posts every other week. 

Same thing, but more reasonable to what I can apparently do.

3. Attend either a martial arts or fitness class once a week. 

At least. I'm not going to progress in belts or get much lasting fitness out of that, but it should keep my depression under control and help me actually achieve the other goals. If I belt up once this year, fantastic. Bonus points for me.

4. Reduce my books by half. 

I have a ton of books. I'm not really sure how many, the shelf by my desk has about 120 plus magazines. I have another shelf in the bed room and another at work. If I can reduce it down to one shelf, I'd be happy with with that. Especially with all the business books coming in from my courses. It's probably the biggest factor in going toward more minimalism.

5. Save 30k toward the house down payment. 

Mo and I are saving up for a down payment on a house. For our plans, we need between 50k and 60k. So far we have just over 20k. It's a good start. Based on the 2012 budget, we should be able to save another 13 to 15 in 2013. There's a few goofy wildcards coming up though, so I'm shooting for a pretty achievable 10k in savings this year.

Holiday Son-day

Whew! It feels like I haven't done a Son-day post since November 11th. What? it's a totally common feeling I get. You don't attach specific dates to your feelings? No, I don't think that's odd, you're odd.

The reason I haven't posted anything about Jojo lately is that there is nothing to report. Smooth sailing the whole way. Nothing new.

Ack, not the stare. Damn it, I'll talk!

Seriously, if you can look at Tim Roth's stare and not tell the truth, you are some kind of crazy. I swear, his whole face just burns into your soul or something.

I got through that horrid MBA class. I got an A. However, it was REALLY hard. My group really was not doing what they needed to do when they needed to do it. One guy was out of town the whole weekend, two guys hadn't done their portions, the French kid was just dead weight, it was a mess. I was at the clinic working with one or more of them every night until into the wee hours of the dawn for like 5 days straight. That's on top of doing my job which was not an easy week and included a few goofy meetings and clients.

Also, jojo got sick.

I picked him up after work Saturday and my Mom was telling me to take him to the ER. I got Mo, she checked him out and we went to the FirstMed urgent care. The guy there said it was an ear infection. The next day (Sunday) I was supposed to just work on the MBA project hard core and get it done (due Tuesday btw). Instead, Jojo was just a mess and had a high fever (102ish) so we went to the ER. That ate up the rest of the morning and early afternoon. I was keeping in touch with the group, keeping the French kid from messing anything up or pissing off the rest of the group, communicating what people needed between people, and otherwise trying to keep them moving in a productive direction while sitting in an ER and trying to keep my son from being too miserable. He finally passed out on top of me.

black and white communicates the bleakness of the situation. Look how pensive Mo looks.

Looooooooong story short: two ear infections and an upper respiratory infection. We spent the next few days giving him meds to reduce the fever and some antibiotics he probably didn't need. We also did some baths to help fight the fever. In a few days he was back to good.

We did (finally) get the group project done. It was hell on earth and one of the worst pieces of crap I've ever put my name on. I only needed like a 60 on the cursed thing to get a B in the course. My group mates needed closer to a 90 to do the same.

That water bottle is for scale.

Part of the assignment was a professional dress presentation (that means a suit is required). My group showed up in suits...except the French kid. his suit was in France, he was going back home in a week, he didn't feel getting a new suit was worthwhile. We were assigned the project 6 weeks ago, professional dress was mentioned 16 weeks ago, he could had it shipped, or told us and we could lend him a suit. Did I mention he was dead weight?

Dude. When you go home next week, think about just staying there.

But, we did well enough and at least the other guys passed the course. I don't know if the French kid did or not. I doubt it. I don't really care.

Jojo recovered just fine in a few days and went back to being his normal crazy-as-hell self. He's completely sick of using his little walking jeep and tried to turn everything into a pushing toy. He stands for long periods of time without support and yesterday stood next to me at my desk clapping. I figured he was applauding my awesome farmville-2 skills.

We had his birthday party on the 16th. It was fun and nice to see everyone. Then we did christmas presents at my place. While there, this happened:

He is all kinda of mobile now. Live in fear folks.

Christmas Rant...sorry

Okay. Seriously guys, you've just gotta let this go. It's just so pointless. I wasn't going to say anything but I just can't listen to it anymore. I want to. I want to just ignore the whining and the drama and the anger and the ignorance and the denial and the intolerance. I really, really, really, do.

I just can't.

Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Not everyone who celebrates Christmas celebrates Christmas for the same reasons or the same way. That is called diversity. It's a good thing. Nobody has a patent and exclusive rights to the variety of holidays and rituals observed in the month of December. When someone says something other than "Merry Christmas" during December it is not an insult to you, it does not ruin Christmas, and it in no way takes away from the value of your faith or religion. It's just a greeting.

Apparently, this is somehow an insult? Seriously?

Why do people have to say exactly what you say when they greet someone in December? Why is that so important to you? Why do you get so sad/angry/upset when an otherwise nice person tries to say "hello" to you with a fairly traditional and inclusive greeting? They don't know your faith. They don't know anything about you, so they err on the side of something open and inclusive that respects that you may not celebrate Christmas. They don't know. Why is that a bad thing?

Nobody is upset about this though. Why? Why is this okay?

I mean come on!

Are you really so well-off, so incredibly blessed, so amazingly disconnected from real hardship, real pain, REAL problems that this simple greeting is so insulting? There are people who do not know where there next meal is coming from. There are people who are being shot at right now. There are people who are trying to drink themselves up to the courage to kill themselves. There are people who should be studying for a final rather than rant-blogging.

"We haven't eaten in 3 days"

Do you have people in your life that love you? Have you eaten recently and do you know where your next meal is coming from? Do you have a roof over your head and three or more walls around you? Are you allowed to worship what you want with little or no chance of being killed/maimed/raped/beaten when you walk out of church?

If not, email me. I know people who can help. Many of them are local churches, charity groups, therapists, and outreach programs who may or may not greet you with "Happy Holidays". They can help. I hope the greeting thing isn't a deal-breaker to be nice to you.

If you do, then please, dear God, please, let it go. It's not important. We just celebrated a holiday dedicated to being thankful. Be thankful you can celebrate at all, do so in whatever way it is you want and let people greet you however they want. It doesn't hurt you. It doesn't take anything away from you. You don't have to like it and you can say whatever greeting you want right back.

And anyone who is insulted when you say this is a butt-head anyway.

My little burden

This post has nothing to do with Jojo. It's just about me, so if you are hoping for a cute little story and a picture of the best part of my day, it's not in this one. Go back a few or wait till Sunday.

I am prone to bouts of depression. I've tried counseling and all that stuff. It helped, but it still happens. I've come to believe it's a more than a little biochemical or biological or something like that.

Damn it Jim, I'm a mixed sci-fi reference, not a doctor.

Yeah, I know, I could have used a Doctor Who reference, I didn't. I'll get right on that.

The point is, there are things I do that keep my depression from acting up. I tried some prozac variation once. It calmed my anxiety and prevented me from feeling depressed...and everything else. I think medical science is just wonderful and we have medicine that is straight up saving people's lives better than ever. It was just more than I needed.

What works best for me is working-out. I train in martial arts and it fixes me in way I have a hard time describing. I am by no means a skilled martial artist. I may very well be one of the worst students. I'm okay with that, because being any kind of martial artist makes me a better at everything else. I'm a better psychologist, a better husband, a better father, a better friend, a better person. The health benefits are nice too. When I work out, I get depressed less often and stay depressed for a shorter amount of time.

I haven't trained in almost two weeks.

There, happy?

Right now I am straight up grappling with depression and worry. It's not pleasant. Guilt, worry, fear, and depression are hitting me like waves. Worse, it's making my time with Jojo hard to enjoy. That sucks.

So what's the point of this blog?
"Feel bad for me, I'm sad, boohoo"? No. I need no pity. I'll be fine, this is temporary and more important I know I am stronger than my depression. It's just fighting me right now. I gave it a chance, it took it.

"I need to go to a martial arts class"? Well, yeah, obviously. But, that's not really the point.

The point is:

Everyone, every single damn person on this planet, since the beginning of time and until the end of our species, has and will have some personal burden to deal with. It may be some minor depression, or a learning disorder, or a physical handicap, or poverty, or whatever. But everyone has at least one.

You can give up and blame it for all your woes. You can use it as an excuse for your crappy attitude and bad behavior. Or, you can face it, figure it out, make a plan to overcome it, and then execute the plan.

Yeah, the plan might not work. That happens. It's called a setback. They do not excuse giving up and not making a new plan.

Not pictured: lots of setbacks.

Simply put, the point is: You will be burdened. You choose how to respond to it.

Overworked Son-day

This week I had 106 pages to read, a 5 page paper to write, a 20 chapter test to study for, and a 45 page group project to organize. Fortunately, Jojo is super helpful.

Even now he can...oybv960y9-b7 -9

...Reach the keyboard. Awesome. Helpful.

Yeah.

DST Son-day

I think I may be past the hump of "waytomuchgoingonkillmenow". I got the priority cases under control (for the moment). The independent study students are about done testing kids. My group project is moving forward. I'm still busy, but I'm past the 'over-busy' part. I think.

I have a sleep debt that is killing me. Last night I paid a bit of it off, but I don't expect to get out of the hole at least until after Christmas.

Yes, I know, I will count you at some point.

We had a TON of fun with Halloween this year. We took Jojo to haunt the zoo this year. It was SO BUSY! It was like the 3rd night of it and the line circled the entrance. There had to be like 1500-2000 people there. Some of the costumes were great. There was a Beetlejuice that was just flat-out impressive. Also, just before the entrance was Darth Vader next to a star trek officer. That was kinda awesome. There was also a lady who was just...well...her costume would be perfect at certain Halloween parties where kids are not welcome. Oy.

The booths were great. Sonic, Wal-Mart, and Dr. Pepper were impressive. I carried Jojo through most of it and the crowds were nuts, so not many pictures. We didn't collect candy this year because Jojo won't eat it and none of the rest of us need it.

"Guys, I'm 10 months old. You understand I don't care, right?"

We had fun, but next year are going to go a little later. That way the crowds will have a chance to disperse a little. We were planning on doing the Story Book Forest at Arcadia Lake, but we got tired and didn't.

Finally, we did get some photos done in his costumes. Sadly, the young lady who did the last two photos sets is no longer working at the studio we've been going to. The lady who did this set was fine, but just not as skilled. She also had a pretty intense energy that overwhelmed Jojo (and me). Rather than motivating Jojo's personality out, she just kinda filled the room with her own energy and Jojo wasn't nearly as expressive. I don't blame him. We needed the photographer to be at about a 4 to 6, she was rocking at an 11. Exhausting.

Still, I'm not disappointed. We got some good photos, not the quality I am spoiled to, but not bad at all. Here's a few of them. 

Revival Son-day

Okay folks, seriously.

Ihavebeensobusy. 4real.

Everyone tells me that this course is the hardest one in the MBA (almost certainly designed to weed out the ones who do not really want it and should not be here - and it works because about 1/3 of the class is gone now). They better not be lying cause wow.

I mean, the class is not actually that hard. None of the assignments (in and of themselves) are all that horrid. The trick is I was kinda busy before I started the program, so...now I'm just always busy. 200+ pages of reading a week is no big deal. A 9-page report and presentation is no big deal. Having a wife in a masters program, a 10-month old, a full-time job, AND then add the above. That starts to creep into sleeping time pretty quick. When a lightning storm kills power and you lose 5 hours or so of work on said report...now we are into big deal range.

Regardless, it hasn't all been bad and hard and what not.  My mom and I celebrated out birthday on the 3rd (mom) and 6th (me). We went to Dave and Busters. My parents like going to D&B and like collect tickets. However, spending those tickets seems to be the worst part because there is nothing in the reward area that my folks actually want. It's weird, but I totally get it and I'm pretty much the same way. However, my folks had like 20,000 tickets or something. So, it's kinda out of hand.

For perspective, the giant stuffed animals usually go for like 8 to 9 thousand tickets. So they could get one...or two. But all they had was these truly horrid looking gorillas and a banana...a smiling banana. That's not happening. On our way out, my dad noticed a really cute set of stuffed bears (polar and brown) that were really cute, but not in the store area and no price listed. So he asked and it was (*shockingly*) well within the number of tickets he had. So he got it for Jojo.

How big is this bear?

bed-sized.

We also got Jojo a pair of little plastic frisbees. He obsessed on them for some crazy reason. In short, a good time was had by all.

Tomorrow, we plan to go pumpkin picking and get photos done of Jojo in his Halloween costumes. I said costumes. We got two. We love Halloween. I'm looking forward to haunt the zoo more than I'm looking forward to his birthday or Christmas.

I'll post way more photos on FB, but these are the costumes we got:

I'm not jojo!

neither am I!