The Nursery

So I took a 1 week vacation from work. Mainly to keep from burning the place to the ground, but that's a different blog. 

One of the things Mo and I did was set up the nursery a little bit. We haven't had to buy much of anything for this kid so far. We've spent some money, sure, because we can and want to. But we pretty much got the "essentials" for free. So we spent some money of a few things we wanted and some decorative items. 

Here's some pictures. 

The changing table, with a white board for notes and such. 

The white board is something I got free a long time ago. The changing table is my old childhood desk. It has a detachable hutch I will attach when Josiah is ready for a real desk.

crib and giraffe

The crib was free from my sister. The bedding was not horridly expensive, but not cheap either. The giraffe is a great find from Goodwill. It's a Doug & Melissa toy that usually goes for 100 bucks. Got it for 10. Mo had to sew a seam tear on the neck is all.

rocking chair..and giraffe

I offered to get Mo a much more luxurious rocking chair, but she turned me down every time. This is what she wanted. It's simple and fits the room. And, again, the giant giraffe. Those curtains are "blackout" curtains. Trick is, they "only" block 99.9% of light. Those windows have no trees, no buildings, nothing to block the light and get a TON of light. I have no doubt that is 0.1% of the incoming light. We may need two layers or something. Not sure yet.

Shhhh, the panda is hiding. 

That chester drawer was part of the set my folks got me when I was a kid. It's from a company called This End Up. My folks got all me and my sisters a bedroom set. This set will be Josiah's and the other sets are now serving my nephew and niece. If you need furniture, this stuff lasts.

Don't jump giraffe, life is worth living!

The cloth on the chester drawer is actually a window valence, but I didn't want a window valence, so I repurposed it. The basket is holding the thing that we got from Jack and Shonda, but will eventually be a clothes hamper.

Ahhh...so many lovely right angles. 

This is the oak bookcase I built in high school for my dad...which I 'stole' from him as quick as I could. The frame is a gift from a former client and will hold some ultrasound photos. There's really nothing in the baskets yet.

And that's the tour of the nursery. We went to the JBF sale at the fairground yesterday. Mo got some hats for Josiah. I got a Star Wars lego set (totally for me). We got a few more things for Josiah we knew would need (diaper genie II, the breast pump Mo wanted, etc.). Good deals. All in all, I don't think we've spent more than $500 on the entire nursery. Granted, much of it was on discount, already owned, or gifted. 

Happiness

Today I read an article on cracked.com about happiness. If you don't read cracked, well, you should. It's funny. But it got me thinking. Right now my happiness is, at best, a fleeting and momentary sort of thing.

Yes, I'm thrilled out of my mind I'm having a son. What's not to be happy about? But that's hardly the only thing going on. I'm dealing with a greater than average amount of work burnout and just about to lose my mind if I don't get some time off. (next week, thank God).

Statue of Happiness from GTA. Theoretically modeled after Hilary Clinton

But what makes a person happy? I once read Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism. It's a good read if you have the chance. I love Seligman, he's done what I only dream of doing (selling out). In his book, he identifies the 5 factors of happiness (PERMA).

1. Pleasure (tasty foods, warm baths, etc.),
2. Engagement (or flow, the absorption of an enjoyed yet challenging activity),
3. Relationships (social ties have turned out to be extremely reliable indicator of happiness),
4. Meaning (a perceived quest or belonging to something bigger), and
5. Accomplishments (having realized tangible goals).

After looking at that list a second I realized something. Playing World of Warcraft can meet every single one. Can it be pleasurable? Sure, pretty pictures and lights all in your face. The game is engaging and relationships abound. There is a perceived meaning to your quests (shallow and fictional as it is) and the game has numerous achievements (and ways to show them off).

I give you the face of happiness.

That can't be right can it?
Well, yeah, actually, I guess it can.
But the happiness doesn't last of course. You have to stop playing and come back to reality.

No, dude, you're doing it wrong.

But why can't you get all those things out of any activity? Well, not all activities can meet the criteria for one. Passing a kidney stone may have meaning and give you a sense of accomplishment, but that is one thing you do alone and it sure as hell is not pleasurable.

So, if you need a dose of happiness in your day you can usually find it by just doing something that is inherently pleasurable. It will almost certainly be temporary, but most happiness is anyway. If you get lucky enough to find some activity that can be maintained over the course of several minutes (or hours) that brings you happiness, lucky you. That's awesome.

My activity is doing nothing. Doing nothing feels good (it is pleasurable). Finding time and mental ability to do nothing is challenging, but once actively doing nothing, I find it engaging. I often do nothing with Mo and "couch time" (where we lay on the couch together and do nothing) is one of our favorite things to (not?) do. Doing nothing has meaning in the sense that it recharges my physical and mental reserves while building my marital bond. Finding time to do nothing with Mo is a tangible goal.

I've totally done this.

So if you are feeling depressed. Stop and realize that you are not going to get all happy once and for all. You are going to be not-happy a lot of the time. But, if you try to find something that makes you happy at least for a little bit, you're doing about as well as every other slob on this planet. Good for you. You're winning.

Sadly, you are not Bi-winning.

100 things

Recently a facebook friend linked this video and commented about how it must be freeing to own so little stuff. Which reminded me of the 100 things challenge.

I own well over 100 books. In fact, I own 233 books on the bookcase to the left of my computer. I haven't counted the 2 bookcases in my bedroom or the half-bookcase in my office at work.

But then, the details of 100 things challenge has (I believe intentional) vagaries. It has less to do with setting strict rules for what a "thing" is. I think defining that is part of the challenge. For example, one woman got rid of 14 of her 34 pairs of shoes and then decided the 20 remaining pairs counted as 1 thing, "Shoes". One could argue this is "cheating", but then you open a can of worms about whether a bag of cherries is one thing or if each cherry counts. But you could take it further, I own a computer which is one thing. But I own dozens of e-books, music files, pictures, etc. If each file counts as a thing, then I have hundreds of thousands of things just by owning a computer. Further, I own two keyboards (one wireless, one not). Do they count as part of the computer or as separate things.

I know, right?

Now, I love staple minimalism. I really do. I don't practice it nearly as well as I should, but I love it. I'm not about to give up my space, but I have no problem getting rid of things. Which is really my argument against the 78-foot apartment being "freeing". The owning of little can be understood as free, but I cannot see such cramped conditions as such.

Ah, minimalism.

All the same, in response to all of this, I am motivated to define what I consider to be my rules of the 100 things challenge. (whether I ever accept the challenge or not is besides the point).

1. Within my household, owning 100 things means owning 100 things per person. Some things are mine, some things are Mos, some things are Josiahs, and some things are Pookas.
2. Things can be owned by more than one person. In short, what I decide is mine is mine, but does not affect others ownership.
3. Objects that are, by their nature, disposable, do not count. This includes like groceries, paper towels, toilet paper, toothbrushes, deodorant, shaving razors. 

That would be my baseline set of rules to get started. Obviously, new and varied rules would need to be added as I encountered new problems. For example, the books issue.

Sigh.

What to do? What to do?
Simple solution: books count as one thing. Just on the surface that feels wrong. If it feels wrong, there is a fair to decent chance it is. So, screw that.

The second obvious solution is to get rid of some books. That may not be a bad idea. I mean when I was counting them I noticed at least 10 I know I haven't read in years and have no intention of looking at again. I own 3 Bibles. Not a bad thing in and of itself, but unnecessary, especially since I basically just read the same parts over and over (I truly get nothing from the Pauline epistles except a headache and bad attitude). So, reducing my library is likely a good plan.

I have several books which I own both a digital and a physical copy. Which brings me to rule 4.

4. If it is on or connected to the computer, it is part of the computer.

So e-books don't count. Sadly, to be comfortable with this solution, I need an e-reader or tablet. I get rid of numerous 'things' at the cost of one 'thing'. Plus, tablets are cool.

bastard.

I'm going to stop here since I think you get the idea.

The Bomb

I need to give a shout out to a few people.

Big thanks to:
Amber Braudrick for 2 plastic bags of baby boy clothes.
Brian & Andrea Mangus for a box of diapers (assorted sizes).
Jack and Shonda Hendrix for that (very cool) book/blanket thing. (No idea how to explain it, but it is cool).

But this post is really about diapers.

He's right, pirates don't change diapers.

Lot's of people have interesting views of who I am. Many of those views are based less on their knowledge of me and more on their stereotypes and biases of what a 'man' is. That's okay, I'm not criticizing them. We all have stereotypes and biases, some of which are important to keep us alive. But, I want to set the record straight on how Jeremy faces the prospect of changing literally thousands of diapers over the next few years.

Here it is: "Meh, been there, done that."

See, I used to work at a day care child care center. It was a fun job and eventually led me to study school psychology. Mo worked there with me for a bit. I worked with just about every age group. My favorite was the 2 year old. Guess what happens in the 2 year old room? F-ing tons of diaper changes. I changed between 12 and 20 kids diapers about 2-3(+) times per day for about a year. Do the math on that. (it's at least 5000 diapers). Now, I didn't do them all, all the time. I had people helping me in the room. But still, a bazillion diapers.

amateurs

So, yeah, they are nothing new.

I think my biggest concern is not the changing of the diapers (pish). I am vastly more concerns with looking cool while doing so.

Diaper bags just look horrid. Even on women. They are bland, uninspired and often trendy-tacky. There must be like 3 (women) who design all the accessories because there are only 3 main designs and a few variations on those. All of them look like they are for girl or 'gender-neutral' (or more accurately, butch-girly).

Then I saw this.

Sweet

Daddy like

Yes. This.

Turns out there is this whole sub-culture of more masculine parenting accessories. Diaper bags, diaper vests*, etc. Not much of this is going to turn up at your local wal-mart or Target. But online, places like DadGear, DiaperDad, and others are an oasis in a sea of pink and frilly. 

*

This is a diaper vest.

Say hello to my little friend

Naughty Boy