Happiness

Today I read an article on cracked.com about happiness. If you don't read cracked, well, you should. It's funny. But it got me thinking. Right now my happiness is, at best, a fleeting and momentary sort of thing.

Yes, I'm thrilled out of my mind I'm having a son. What's not to be happy about? But that's hardly the only thing going on. I'm dealing with a greater than average amount of work burnout and just about to lose my mind if I don't get some time off. (next week, thank God).

Statue of Happiness from GTA. Theoretically modeled after Hilary Clinton

But what makes a person happy? I once read Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism. It's a good read if you have the chance. I love Seligman, he's done what I only dream of doing (selling out). In his book, he identifies the 5 factors of happiness (PERMA).

1. Pleasure (tasty foods, warm baths, etc.),
2. Engagement (or flow, the absorption of an enjoyed yet challenging activity),
3. Relationships (social ties have turned out to be extremely reliable indicator of happiness),
4. Meaning (a perceived quest or belonging to something bigger), and
5. Accomplishments (having realized tangible goals).

After looking at that list a second I realized something. Playing World of Warcraft can meet every single one. Can it be pleasurable? Sure, pretty pictures and lights all in your face. The game is engaging and relationships abound. There is a perceived meaning to your quests (shallow and fictional as it is) and the game has numerous achievements (and ways to show them off).

I give you the face of happiness.

That can't be right can it?
Well, yeah, actually, I guess it can.
But the happiness doesn't last of course. You have to stop playing and come back to reality.

No, dude, you're doing it wrong.

But why can't you get all those things out of any activity? Well, not all activities can meet the criteria for one. Passing a kidney stone may have meaning and give you a sense of accomplishment, but that is one thing you do alone and it sure as hell is not pleasurable.

So, if you need a dose of happiness in your day you can usually find it by just doing something that is inherently pleasurable. It will almost certainly be temporary, but most happiness is anyway. If you get lucky enough to find some activity that can be maintained over the course of several minutes (or hours) that brings you happiness, lucky you. That's awesome.

My activity is doing nothing. Doing nothing feels good (it is pleasurable). Finding time and mental ability to do nothing is challenging, but once actively doing nothing, I find it engaging. I often do nothing with Mo and "couch time" (where we lay on the couch together and do nothing) is one of our favorite things to (not?) do. Doing nothing has meaning in the sense that it recharges my physical and mental reserves while building my marital bond. Finding time to do nothing with Mo is a tangible goal.

I've totally done this.

So if you are feeling depressed. Stop and realize that you are not going to get all happy once and for all. You are going to be not-happy a lot of the time. But, if you try to find something that makes you happy at least for a little bit, you're doing about as well as every other slob on this planet. Good for you. You're winning.

Sadly, you are not Bi-winning.