I am a scientist. Yes, I am a psychologist, but not that kind of psychologist. I do the diagnostic type of psychology, I use applied behaviorism, I work with strange things called standard scores and errors of the estimate. It's all very cerebral.
Dr. K is also a scientist. His pursuits are south of the cerebellum, but science none the less. His specialization is just as imprecise. My god, a good success rate is 60% in his field. In mine we barely accept anything less than 95% accuracy.
So it is weird when this bonified, certified, white-jacket wearing scientist looks at me and tells me
"Have happy thoughts."
Wait just a damn minute. This is science! We don't need happy thoughts! The tools of science work (damn it). That is why we call it science. I am pretty sure 'happy thoughts' is not in the protocol and has no validity measures.
Now, don't miss understand. I am well (WELL) versed in the effects of a positive outlook and stress on the physical performance of our frail little bodies. I get it, thinking doom and gloom is rarely a good idea. I get it. I really do. And I'm not upset with Dr. K for what is, in all honest, seriously good advice. It totally is.
But, I don't want to face this round of IVF with nothing more than happy thoughts. I want to face it with the bare bones reality of what it is. It is a chance. It's a good chance, that is for sure, but it is still just a chance. It will probably work, but it might not. I want to be ready to face that. I wasn't last time and it was hell to deal with. But deal with it we did and now another failure is no less frustrating but vastly less frightening. If it fails, fine. We know how that goes. We know the next steps. If it works, which is should, awesome. That has next steps too.
Still, in spite of my desire to be realistic (not cold, just realistic) about it, I find myself somewhat convinced that this attempt will work. I know I have no evidence to believe it will be any different than last time, and yet, I am having happy thoughts.
Curiously, I actually know the science behind why I am (whether I want to or not) doing exactly what the man in the white coat told me to do.
You know, it was funny. I was thinking when I got home..."I really need a Daditude post today." And what would you know, half an hour later, it pops up on Facebook. Thank you for reading my mind :)
ReplyDeleteIf my memory doesn't fail me, the quote is brought to mind, "expect the best but prepare for the worst." That's what this made me think of. You guys are an inspiration. Thank you.